Discussing mental illness with your child

Telling your child about your mental illness (or your partners) is really important - but are you prepared?

Get organised

The same principle used in aircraft emergencies really helps here: put your own oxygen mask on before attempting to help others. In other words, before you talk to your children about your illness, do you really understand it – and have you got yourself ‘in order’?

Understanding the effects of the illness on your behaviour and treatments and support available to you helps you to manage. It’s important for your family too, because when you understand what’s happening you will feel more in control and confident in explaining it to them - particularly your children.

Why tell my child?

Your illness is likely to affect your behaviour  - which your child may witness or ‘sense’ not be able to understand. If you have talked about your illness to your children, it will explain the changes they have noticed in you and perhaps also in the family unit. Without the explanation, they will try and make sense of it themselves. They may make assumptions, misunderstand what is happening and blame themselves.

But how do I tell my child?

You will need to consider your child’s age and ability to comprehend information. Take comfort in knowing that even very young children can gain some understanding of what is going on, such as “mummy’s not well, you’ve done nothing wrong and she’s getting help to get better.”

When you start the conversation about the illness, children are more likely to ask questions. You won’t necessarily have all the answers, but being prepared will really help. One discussion with your child is never enough – a shared understanding takes time and children’s questions and specific needs for information will change as they grow. Encourage your children to ask questions and raise concerns whenever they want.  

COPMI have prepared some helpful information sheets on speaking to children of different age groups about parental mental illness:

• Talking to babies
• Talking to toddlers
  
• Talking to primary school aged children
• Talking to teenagers
• Examples of talking to young children
  

Links to other helpful articles

• Psych Central - Talking to your kids about your mental illness
• Here to Help - Talking to children and youth when it's time to discuss a family member's mental illness or alcohol/drug problem
• The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry - Facts for Families : Fact sheet #84 ‘Talking to kids about mental illness’
• Eastern Health - Talk about mental illness: Explain your mental illness in simple terms to your child/ren